He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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