i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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