I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think i have two assholes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
