the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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