i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need to align my fucking chakras
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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