I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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