my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
