How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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