i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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