They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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