you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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