Cold hands, warm shart.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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