I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
