You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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