Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
