So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
