why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
