So drunk its hurt
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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