Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
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theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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