Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
