I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
