wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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