You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
