i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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