NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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