had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
