I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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