I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
