I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
