I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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