Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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