my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
