I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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