woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
