You really coming over, don't trick.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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