About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
