HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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