I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
