Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
