I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
