His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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