If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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