i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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