farters have to be the big spoon...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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