Having a random hookup so left but love u
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
