Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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