I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
