I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I intend to get homeless drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
