the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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