Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
this beer tastes like vomit already
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
