life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
