sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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