He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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