I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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