I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
