I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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