Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
