there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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