It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
